“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different.”
-C.S. Lewis
Somedays I don’t know who I am anymore. In saying that, I don’t necessarily mean it in a negative way, it’s just that I’m a far different person, in a very different place than I was a year ago. I’ve figured out over time that no matter what season in life you’re encountering, the only thing that stays the same, is that everything changes.
Many of you that know me, or have read my work before, know that I grew up in upstate NY. I went to college in NM on a soccer scholarship and met my husband there. Life was a constant change for me; from graduating high school, moving, graduating college, to then getting married, making several moves, a few job changes, personal struggles and successes, family births and heart wrenching deaths, change became the norm. Then early this year the love of my life and I found out we’d be expecting a baby girl of our own. Over seven years after we were married we became a family of three with our September 12th addition: a dark-haired angel who made her appearance a few weeks early. As common as change was in our world, it appears being parents was something we’d never be fully prepared for. From what I hear, no one ever is.
So, when I say that I don’t know who I am, it’s easy to see how different things are now than they were before, and admittedly I now understand why people say being a mom is one of the toughest jobs there is. Caring and providing for a 2-month-old has certainly been a change of pace for the girl who went horseback almost everywhere her husband did. An adjustment, yes, but a good one.
For all the things this year has brought me, there was a time when joy was not one I thought I’d find. Losing one of the most influential people in my world took a toll on me, and I didn’t quite understand just how much, until our daughter entered the world. From loss to birth, I found a happiness in me I wasn’t sure I’d know again. Granted, I have days when I can’t console a crying baby and it’s tough, but I’ve found happiness in a place that at one time we thought might never exist.
There’s four seasons in every year, but the seasons in someone’s life are immeasurable and often unpredictable. If this year has taught me nothing else, it’s to appreciate every one of them. No matter where you are in life, time moves on. In the darkest of hours, or relishing in the brightest moments there might be, it doesn’t last forever. Hearts break, but they mend. Babies cry, but then they grow up and they aren’t our babies anymore. Life has a neat way of keeping us humble, but often we don’t realize it until we reflect upon the past.
“This too shall pass” has become my motherhood-mantra, and it’s the truest of statements. As I sit here typing this, I’m caught looking at our baby girl, asleep on my lap, because she won’t nap anywhere else. Frustrating? Yes, because I get very little done with a sassy little sidekick sitting on my hip all day, but a year from now, I’ll want these moments back.
Life doesn’t always deal us the hand we expect to be dealt. Often, we are forced to adjust along the way, as difficult as it may be. But alas, those moments come, and then they go. They always go. So, try to soak it up, breathe it in, every second of it, and then exhale…slowly. Not every day is a sunny one, but the clouds will clear with time. Likewise, not every season is expected, but they all must be tackled, head-on. Embrace the present, for it won’t last forever; and in time, you might wish it had. I’m learning that myself.
Written by Kate Sanchez
