by Victoria Derrer
“Why do I keep going around the proverbial mountain?”  Have you asked yourself that troubling question?  I have and it was very frustrating to me because all I ever heard for a long time was that “You are a new creation in Christ, what’s your problem?”
Well I thought I was, but those same nagging issues of a short temper, angry mean-spirited thoughts about my cubicle neighbor, and the wondering if life would ever really be joyful, swirled around me with the depressing mantra of “this is how it will always be”.  Yet when I arrived at the church doors and took my seat in the pew I was seemingly surrounded by people that had it all together and never showed that they had these same type of sins plaguing their lives.  What was wrong with me?  Was I really known and loved by the God of the Bible who supposedly loves unconditionally and washed me clean in His son’s blood of atonement?  Why did I still feel so dirty and used up?  Why did the future seem so bleak?
Well fast forward to 2013 where I met a friend that asked me if I wanted to study an inner healing modality from a Church in California.  Sure, I was interested as I have always enjoyed learning and really was drawn to wanting to help others and especially myself, to have more healing from the damage that life had inflicted.  So as we went through the course we began to want more training, yet the regional contact person never seemed to get back with us.  Finally, when she did she had discovered the next course that in her opinion, was even better.  Well, always the consummate student I said yes to coming and learning about it.  That was the real start to my healing in a way that had never happened before.  I began to realize that as the Trinity is one, yet three persons, I too am a multi faceted being with “parts” of me that have different functions and roles in who I am as a human being.  Several of those parts reside within what is known as my soul.  As the learning progressed I began to realize that while the part of me that took care of the normal parts of life was the part of me that was connected to Jesus.  Yet the part of me that knew and held all of the unresolved hurt and trauma of being a kid from a broken home and all of the junk that accompanied that; was still pretty mad and not really interested in what Jesus had to say.
Interestingly enough, I realized that when something occurred in my adult life that hit the trigger of an old unhealed wound that old movie reel would begin to play and it was like I was a little kid again; hurt, confused , and really mad.
After the triggered outburst I was left so many times wondering what had just happened and why did I go off like that; when really sometimes what had occurred was very trivial compared to the flood of angry emotions that rolled out of me.
So many times it was embarrassing and very defeating to see myself over and over again in the same dismal relational spot with no hope of it ever changing, until it was that I found this new teaching about how our heart has parts and not all of those parts are head over heels in love with Jesus.  Wow, who knew?  As I learned more, I began to see how to connect with Jesus and begin the journey to helping my whole heart see how good it is to let go of the hurt, anger, and baggage of the past and receive the love and refreshing that only Jesus can bring to a broken heart
And so, my journey began in earnest…….