The Bible says that there is “a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing” (Ecclesiastes 3:5b). However, no specific instructions appear for what those times are. What should we do then? Fortunately, we have biblical examples of when to embrace and teachings on when might be a good or a bad time for it!
In the story of the prodigal son, when his father saw him, he“felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him” (Luke 15:20b). This story with God as the father gives us multiple reasons for when a good time might be to embrace. If we “have compassion” on someone, it might be a good time. For example, when “comforting those who mourn” (Isaiah 61:2b) as discussed last Sunday. Also, when we’re reunited with loved ones who we haven’t seen in a while may be a good time to hug!
Instead of greeting people and comforting them, saying goodbye and being consoled yourself may be another good time for embracing. Paul said that he wouldn’t see the Ephesian elders again and so “there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul” before he left (Acts 20:37). Hugs aren’t just for the sake of others…sometimes they’re for us too!
A third set of circumstances includes the embrace of a married couple. Song of Solomon mentions a husband embracing his wife at multiple points (2:6; 8:3). Even psychologists say that hugs are useful, and therefore we should probably hug the people that we love! Sadly, some seek physical love from those besides their spouse, which the Bible describes at one point as embracing “the bosom of an adulteress” (Proverbs 5:20b).
Some circumstances to refrain from embracing might not be obvious. Romans 14:13b states we should “decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way” of another Christian.Some people are simply “not huggers” and others might have stronger social boundaries than we do. As a Christian who used to hug lots of people because I was in a culture of “huggers,” I soon learned after moving away that not everywhere was a “hugging” culture. Even within a culture, some love to hug and some just don’t!
In addition, the past 19 months have changed many people’s mindsets about what is safe and what isn’t. Social distancing rules and recommendations have made even a greater difference in opinion about how close you should stand next to someone, let alone if you should hug or not. While we have opinions and practices differing from one another, “do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil” (Romans 14:16). Instead of doing this, the Bible says that even in our thoughts we should “not pass judgment on one another any longer” in matters such as these (Romans 14:13a). Let’s agree to disagree on topics like this and not force hugs on people that may be concerned about getting others sick or getting sick themselves.
Of course, the question that you might be asking is, “How do we know who the huggers are, especially in 2020-2021?” Proverbs 4:8 discusses embracing in a different way that might help answer that. It says that wisdom will bless you “if you embrace her.” Even noticing people’s body language and how they react to you (and others) might give you wisdom about if they’re wanting a hug or not. People wearing masks are probably more hesitant to give hugs in this current social climate. Let’s use this wisdom and more to know when it’s a time to embrace and a time to refrain!
